“I’m walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone” ~~ Green Day
This past week hasn’t been as easy as the week before. I’m worn out. I hurt, literally head to toe. I go to the gym, smelling of one of a variety of muscle rubs so that aching will subside to a dull throb.
It’s tough keeping my head in the right place too. Now that I’m up to 2 1/4 miles, at my slow pace, it takes me about 80 minutes. I focus on the music in my headphones, on the TVs on the wall, and try to keep from focusing on my pain and doubts. I get frustrated when a busy schedule keeps me from the gym. I get angry when my body rebells, against my will. But I still go, force myself to do it anyway.
Sometimes I’m not sure what role my light and dark pink Fibromyalgia awareness bracelet plays as I work out. Is it to keep me pushing, harder, to defy this illness? Or a reminder to not compare myself to those around me, who are running 3 and 4 times faster than I could ever hope to go?
I don’t dare think about the next day’s workout when I’m trying to pull myself out of the van at home, and very slowly make my way into a hot shower, followed by more Icy Hot. It’s too overwhelming. So I focus on resting, on rewarding myself for another day that I kept going.
Pounds lost: 30 (-7)
Pounds to go: 155
2:01 pm
I admire you so much for the hard work that you are putting into this–especially having to fight the Fribromyalgia. My stepmom was diagnosed with it and eventually with lupus and I know how much she hurts and how much of a struggle being active can be.
The hard weeks suck but it’s worth it right?
3:00 pm
This is so hard to have that disorder and do this. I am so impressed by how you are doing, despite the obstacles!
9:08 pm
Is there a pool at your gym? I’ve found that the pool is where I need to be most when I’m aching from the combo of FMS & exercise. It doesn’t even have to be a pool heated to where most Fibromites prefer…It just seems to help to be in the water and moving.
Look at the bracelet and remember this: you have FMS; it does not have you. But there are going to be those days and weeks when it feels impossible. That’s just part of the crappy deal.. but you’re doing something about it, you’re working against it and in spite of it, and that’s a lot more than thousands of PWFMS ever try.
9:44 pm
As another Fibromite, I agree completely with what Thumper said. The huge thing is that you’re going anyway … you’re working through/with the aches and pain and I *do* know what incredible strength that takes, both physical and mental. You’re doing amazingly well! :good:
6:41 am
You are still an inspiration! I know how you feel. I can’t go as fast as anyone on either side of me, either. I walk as fast as I can and still they are walking faster. I have short legs, but still. You are doing fine and this funk/soreness/doubt will pass. You are doing great! Keep on.